Fast Forward

So much has happened since I accepted the mission of formal leadership. I'll go into that at later date. But, right now, I'm dealing with the greatest challenge so far. I have an employee. One I've advocated for, even before I was leading him. I was his subordinate. He had a higher rank. And I wanted him to succeed. I gave him advice and guidance. I encouraged him. We went through a rough patch when I was promoted over him. I "leap frogged" him. I didn't want that. But I was also tired of him having the "position," while I did all the work. That, and the fact that it was my boss's choice, I wasn't going to turn down the promotion. I had earned it. He had not. He thought he deserved it. But he hadn't earned it.

So, now I'm in a position where I feel like I have the do or die decision in my hands. I wish it wasn't so. But I have to remind myself that I didn't do this. He did. He chose not to grow. To only do the very minimum. He thinks he deserves it. Thinks he's been doing it. Doing what I do, leading the team. I have allowed him to be mediocre. I have allowed him to steam role me. I have allowed him to get away with all of it. But, at this point, I know he couldn't begin to do what I do. He doesn't have the knowledge or even the want to learn to do what I do. He wants the glory. The "benefits" of the position. He wants the recognition. He wants the power and the prestige. But he hasn't done anything to actually deserve it. And it makes no sense to me. How can you believe those things when you don't know the basics? How is it almost always the ones who rate themselves as "exceeding expectations" that are the worst performers?

It's so hard right now. It feels very much like he's trying to set me up. He's trying to throw shade at me. Point fingers and deflect. I don't think it's working on the "powers that be." I think he's digging his own hole. But it's still very unsettling to me. His antics can work on me - weigh on me. Not knowing where the cards will fall. Who's "side" will HR take? Am I being unfair? Could someone accuse me of the same things? Is this my fault? I did allow it. I didn't call him out sooner. I let him. But I have to remind myself that his performance is not up to me. I can tell him. I can guide him. I can lead a horse to water. But I cannot make him drink. He's made his bed. And I've decided I won't lie down and take the repercussions of his behavior.