Identity Theft in the Cubicle

When They Can't Outperform You, They Re-write You

In the corporate world, we have metrics for everything. If an employee has "poor performance," there’s a spreadsheet or app for that. It’s business. It’s objective. It's measurable. It’s fixable.

But what happens when your performance is undeniable, yet you’re still treated like a "problem?"

The low-performer gets a Business Audit. The High-Voltage Producer gets a Character Audit. One is about the work; the other is Identity Theft.

The comparison looks like this:

The Underperformer	High-Voltage Performer
Focus: Work Product & Deadlines	Focus: Energy & "Fit"
The Conversation: "Your report is late."	The Conversation: "People find you difficult to work with.
The Metric: Quantitative (Numbers/Stats)	The Metric: Qualitative (Opinions/Optics)
The Result: A chance to improve.	The Result: A demand to be 'smaller.'

The "Salesforce Fallacy"

Funny story. When I was doing audits, one of the things we looked at were address changes. There was a report we reviewed that showed any client accounts that had been changed to an employee address. This report should, in theory, be blank – it was an Exception report – only showing something if there’s something to see. It still requires investigating, but any results should have a reasonable explanation. When I was training someone, we had results that needed further review.

So, I started doing my research, looking at the accounts including what we called 'Associated People,' occupation, beneficiaries (if they had any), etc. I saw that the client worked at Salesforce. Before you know it, I had this whole story about how the employee was dating a woman who worked for Salesforce (a system the company used interestingly enough). So, as it turned out, it was the same apartment building…with a different apartment number! 😂 I laughed so hard, I snort laughed at myself about the story I came up with. Still makes me smile.

That’s the power of filling in the unknown without considering all of the facts. Wild things can be created. It’s fun…when it’s a story. Or at least something that looks like a reasonable explanation to an “exception.” Less fun when it’s used against someone. Spread around like it’s fact. Used by people who cling onto feeling so big, that the only way they can hang onto that, is to make someone else feel small. When people don't have the capacity to understand your "Muchness," they fill in the blanks with a story. They see an "Exception" on the report and, instead of investigating the facts, they write a work of fiction.

• Key Insight: Just because they don't know your apartment number doesn't mean you're living in the wrong building.

The "Eggshell" Cost

I felt good at work. I finally felt safe, like I belonged, and that I was valued for who I am including all the rough edges. All of me. And then, it changed. I did some things. I will admit that; things I’m not proud of. You know when you think back and physically cringe at yourself? Yes, just like that. But the really unfortunate part was some of it, I didn’t do. It was people telling stories. Half truths. Not all of it real. And I even disclaimed some of it to the people I was telling. “Some people think it’s this, but really it isn’t.”

As an example, I read the book “Relationship Strategies: Using the Platinum Rule to Create Instant Rapport” by Tony Alessandra. Looking at the full title, specifically the "Instant" part, I can see how the story may have started... but it's valuable information. It’s about using people’s DiSC profiles to understand what’s important to them and giving that information to help them see your perspective, or maybe just another perspective.

The Editorial Review from Amazon: “A dynamic Program that will help you learn how to understand the 4 different behavior types and how to deal with them while learning to understand your own personality and why you act the way you do.”

I’m not going into more detail than that here, but I highly suggest the read (Amazon link above). Anyway, I was working with a colleague to transition some functions of my team to her. She was a young girl just starting out in her career. I was trying to mentor her, with heavy disclosure that I’m not a good role model for ‘professional’ lol, but I was hoping I could share some insights I’d picked up over the years to give her sort of ‘shortcuts’ I wished I’d had starting out.

Anyway, I said something pretty close to these words about Tony’s work, “Some people think it’s manipulation. It’s not. It’s demonstrating effective communication skills. How to approach people (this may have been another error because I think I added… “to get what you want”). But here’s the thing. Tony talks about it as the “Platinum Rule vs the Golden Rule.” 

Google search says: "The Golden Rule ("treat others as you want to be treated") is a foundational, self-centric ethic focused on kindness, while the Platinum Rule ("treat others how they want to be treated") is a more empathetic, other-centric approach that honors individual differences and needs, often considered superior for leadership, empathy, and diverse relationships."

The Platinum Rule was new to me and I was like ‘YES!!!’ Obviously, I prefer it. I'm not sure how you couldn’t, but I’m different, so who knows what people think. I do think the concept was lost on some people I've spoken with about it. There’s another component here of the difference between me and others; when I was trying to ‘get what I wanted,’ it was for the greater good, not for selfish reasons. I thought that was common practice. Merrrr…❌wrong…

So, those words got twisted and told to my boss as, ‘she shared this this website with <insert name here> (and I felt strongly there was an underlying implication of… ‘innocent, young, and impressionable <insert name> – but that a feeling I got, not words actually used) about how to manipulate people. And she’s (me) been manipulating you (boss).” Ummm… I’m like, I’m sorry… what???

What I actually said, “Yeah cuz that sounds just like me.” So I had to explain about the book and about this other website I shared: 16personalities.com page…more psychology stuff. Luckily, my boss knew me well enough to I nerd out on personality stuff, so that easily made sense to him. He (genuinely) half laughed and said oh, that makes sense. Well, yeahhhhh…what kind of person do you think I am? Not one that teaches manipulation!!

It was one more thing after another of… I heard you did this… Nope, did not, here’s what that was. I heard you did this…Nope, that also doesn’t sound like me at all. Well how about this…🙄… again no… Then… One thing. One, I did do😌. And I owned it immediately. Of all the accusations, I took credit for this...

“Ok yeah, that… that I totally did that.” “Why would you do that…? “I was gloating, it was a poor choice… it won’t happen again” (double middle finger…🤦‍♀️ - something I picked up from another manager I had worked with and I loved it, the emphasis it gave off. But, yeah, so not appropriate given the audience). Oops…lol.

After that, I was walking on eggshells. All. The. Time. And it was awful. At one point, I had said, “I guess I just shouldn’t talk to anyone.” Response: “Yeah, I think that’s the point.” I may take things very literally, too literally. I legit started going to a different bathroom. Walking outside the area I worked in, taking the long way to a bathroom in a common area outside our department; one rarely used by people in our department actually. To specifically avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to me – cuz people did…want to talk to me…

But I didn’t feel like I could take the chance of passing someone, happen to be doing something 'wrong,' saying something 'wrong,' or more likely, to be misinterpreted by either the person or another person who overheard a conversation they weren’t involved in. A lot of things taken out can sound terrible, it doesn't mean it was. though. It was awful. 

When you start taking the long way to the bathroom to avoid being "seen," the theft is complete. They’ve successfully convinced you that your existence is a hazard... See the Resources page (#2 & #3) for, well, additional resources.