The Beginning

It wasn't the first time I've played a leadership role. But it was the first time I held a leadership position. In the absence of a leader, I would come forward. I delegated when I didn't have authority. Otherwise, I preferred to be behind the scenes. Do my job, do it well, and leave it all at work. It was satisfying and I was content. Life was calm and the only drama I brought into my life was on TV - where I was watching it. It was not happening to me. I felt it, because I feel deeply. But I was not involved and I could turn it off whenever I wanted.

Then, during the summer of 2018 while doing my dream job, a manager asked me what my long-term plans were. I said I didn't know. I wanted to do this job forever. But having a small child - she was 2 at the time - I knew it wouldn't last forever. I blame him for what started the course of the next few years. :-)

He said to me, "I've had many audits as my time as a manager. Most of the time, they were nit picky. Like the auditor had to find something before they left my branch." It wasn't my first time hearing that. And it made me a little bit sad every time I did. He continued, "We need more people like you. You didn't come in here waving your finger saying, I don't like this or I gotcha." I shook my head because that's not how I view my job nor approach it. I was even a little embarrassed and apologetic because that's not our job - not what the job is about. Then he said the thing that stuck, that changed my perspective. "You're firm, but fair. We need more people like that." There was more to the conversation and I stayed way later than I'd planned. But I had the time and I enjoyed talking with him.

So, those words began to percolate in my mind. I was in a position that held some power. Power that could be used to help people or put people down. I don't abuse that power. I chose to help people - still do. And I was working with people and giving them guidance, not so different from management. I worked with managers and branch staff and I did it well. I handled problems and my feedback was well received. I was good at my job. But. I knew I couldn't do it forever. My daughter would need me to be present more. Would notice when I was gone. Travel is a large part of the job. I couldn't do it forever.

A little less than a year later, during my annual performance review, I told my boss, "I've always kept management off the table. I'm not looking for that, but I'm now willing to put it on the table. If the right opportunity came along, I would consider it." Very non-committal. Very much 'some day' - in my mind. What I didn't know at the time, was that conversation put me on a path that led to where I am now. For good, bad or indifferent...